Episode 014  I Took a Breath and Bit My Tongue

As much as I wanted to share my thoughts, I took a breath, bit my tongue, and listened.

I had an amazing discussion with my younger son yesterday.

School is very easy for him right now. Honestly… too easy. He finishes his work quickly and rarely feels challenged. My husband and I have been quietly wondering if he’s wasting some of his potential.

We recently learned about a new charter school that focuses on technology and science — the subjects he loves most. When we looked at their website, it seemed like they were only accepting applications for 6th and 7th grade. But since they had those grades, we assumed they would probably have an 8th grade class next year as well.

So we called.

The receptionist was wonderful. She confirmed there will be an 8th grade class next year… but they are not taking applications for it.

The school sounded so amazing that we even asked if our son could repeat 7th grade just so he could attend.

She laughed kindly and explained that the regulations wouldn’t allow that.

Then she asked a simple question.

Why were we so interested in this school?

So we told her about our son. He loves math and science. He writes programs. He has talked about becoming a pilot, an aerospace engineer, or maybe even an airplane mechanic. My husband and I are both engineers, and from our perspective his current school just isn’t challenging him.

She said she would pass the information along to the Director.

A few hours later — probably after her working hours — she called us back.

There might be a way for our son to attend next year.

Now we had to talk with him about it.

He immediately started sharing all the reasons he wanted to stay where he is.

The biggest one?

His friends.

At this age, that matters more than almost anything else. Leaving them would be a huge decision for him.

The second reason was equally honest. He told us he likes taking the path of least resistance. School is easy for him. He gets his work done during class, doesn’t usually have homework, and overall life feels pretty smooth.

Listening to him talk, I realized something interesting.

His personality is a lot like my husband’s.

Our older son is much more like me. He’s a striver. He pushes himself. He wants to do his best.

Sixth grade was actually really tough for him — new school, COVID lockdowns, trying to figure out where he fit socially. But by seventh grade something shifted. He realized that if he just showed up as himself, he was good. By the time he graduated eighth grade, he was one of the most popular kids in the class.

Our younger son is different.

He’s a connector.

People of all ages are drawn to him. Toddlers love him. Adults enjoy talking with him. Other kids gravitate toward him naturally. He’s just as smart as his older brother, but he’s much more comfortable taking shortcuts. If he misses an assignment but still keeps his grade where he wants it, he’s perfectly fine with that.

As a striver myself, it can be hard to watch him skate by sometimes.

His current school isn’t all bad, though.

One of the reasons we sent both boys there in the first place is because of a life-changing reflection process that students go through from 6th to 8th grade. That process helped shape who our older son became.

Things have changed a bit since then. Several of the amazing teachers left. The new teachers are good, but they’re new. And because the school is small, students of all levels are together in the same classes. Our younger son finishes his work quickly and then sometimes gets into trouble for fooling around.

If he stays, he would complete the reflection process, which is meaningful. And he truly does have a lot of friends there, which matters a lot at this age.

But academically?

We’re not sure he’s growing this year. He definitely isn’t being challenged.

Sometimes it feels like wasted time. Lost potential.

And of course we’re wondering whether he’ll be prepared for high school.

By the end of the conversation, he was open to considering the new school. He said he wanted to talk with his friends first.

Which made perfect sense.

If his friends wouldn’t consider switching, it would probably be a no.

To be honest, we don’t even know if the school could accommodate two or three exceptions anyway.

But the whole experience left me thinking about a few things.

First: ask.

Even when something doesn’t seem possible, it’s worth inquiring. You never know what doors might open when you simply ask the question. Innovators don’t always follow the obvious path — they look for another way.

Second: there are amazing humans in the world.

That receptionist could have easily said no and ended the conversation. Instead she listened, cared enough to share the story with the Director, and called us back later that evening.

Small acts like that change things.

And finally… listen.

This is probably the hardest lesson for me as a parent.

I still want to teach my sons things. Guide them. Share my perspective.

But I’m realizing my role is shifting.

Less teacher.

More guide.

That means listening. Asking questions. Giving them space to think out loud.

Letting them connect with their own inner wisdom.

And honestly, that might be the most important skill they ever develop.